


Step for Two

by Hibibun



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Manipulation, Unsettling, guilt tripping, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hibibun/pseuds/Hibibun
Summary: A window pane view into the life of a spider, a dance, and a puppet turned pupil.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	Step for Two

**Author's Note:**

> i debated about posting this, but ultimately i really like it from a terrifying perspective. 
> 
> elaborated tws:  
> \- there is a narrative shift where there is a direct 'You' if that sort of thing unsettles you, be warned  
> \- pretty direct and referenced mentions of emotional abuse and an implied reference that this directed abuse causes self destructive behavior. the reference itself is extremely minor.  
> -the form of abuse lends itself to making the you question reality

They dance a pas de duex for one. Their partner is not seen, not truly there. A string is hardly a hand, and it does not follow the same moves, for this dance is not the Spider’s. This is a perfect pas de duex, but only for one.

It is a dance that is reluctant. Clunky. Painful. The strings of its orchestra played by those other limbs, each one playing a role in all the fears. They are mere tools, disguises and masks worn by the conductor directing the pain and suffering of the one doing this dance.

They stop. They wheeze. Terrified and afraid and alone. Questioning why they dance, what good it does, who is there? Is anyone there? Can they stop now? It hurts.

And the music keeps going.

_The music keeps going._

The role of dancer is one that has been molded around them. Embedded so deep that they no longer know who else to be—what else to do—other than follow those repeating familiar unending steps.

You deserve this fate.

You’re perfect for this.

This is who you are and who you were always meant to be.

The voice is no longer distinguishable and its words questionable. Was anyone else ever actually there? Who said these things? It was you all along. For there is only ever you, doing this pas de duex for one.

See? It hurts, but you like it. You understand it and crave it because it is the only thing that makes sense.

If it didn’t, why do you still do it? If it didn’t, why do you keep on dancing?

This is all you are and all you will ever be.

The others don’t get it. Why you continue this dance, but complain of the pain. They don’t see how much you need the purpose, the role, your very own starring role suited for you alone. These threads aren’t really there, as much as they tell you. They make it sound so _easy_. And you cry and shudder because you have tried and you have stopped, but that music **_goes on and on_** _._

It’s so loud and you don’t even feel it anymore. The ache is something you feel to your bones and need. You can’t remember why or when you started dancing, but surely there was a reason and the pain is something integral and necessary and you deserve it. Want it. Need it.

The Spider’s direction is largely unneeded by this point. It’s just fun really. She just wants to be there—all those little praises, the gentle whisper and guilty conscious of when the dancer forgets for a little while. Rides the simple feeling of dancing and everything is good. She’s there too though, for the fools who think they can leave. The goading and the agony that comes with forgetting. Believing in the false hope that is ending the dance and its music. The dance doesn’t have a step for cutting the strings, and the knife was not given to you for that reason.

No matter how long you manage to stop. That music never really stops does it? It quiets and some days you think it isn’t there at all.

But it will always be there. And when you need the Spider, when you remember who you really are and run out of options, she will always be there. She will help you relearn the steps, and like a good puppet you will say thank you. She is the only one who understands at this point.

One day, you will make her truly proud. On that day though, you know the dance will end. For what does she need with a dancer who doesn’t need her strings anymore?

At that point, perhaps if she loves you, maybe you will learn how to direct as well as you dance. You know all the steps. And it does feel good doesn’t it? It doesn’t hurt anymore. Doesn’t it?

You long for either day really.

You long for the day you no longer need to dance, knowing that it may never come.

You dance a pas de deux for one.


End file.
